A.S.K.

One BIG key to relationships is do you live life from the inside out, and do you live it from the outside in? 

In other words, are YOU allowing your rejection from other people (the outside) cause you to react, or are you allowing your heart (your insides) to lead you around and through the rejection that you face? 

To better understand what I’m talking about, let use an acrostic of the word - ASK (An acrostic uses each letter of the word such as ASK to spell out another word to help us remember).

ASK (Ask + Seek + Knock = YES)

Ask (ASK) We face rejection a lot in attempting to builder relationships. When you are rejected, the relationship will ultimately remain closed or eventually open based upon your reaction. 

If you respond to the rejection in a warm and friendly manner, usually the person rejecting you will experience a tinge of guilt, which will eventually work out to your favor. 

Responding to rejection in a friendly manner allows the other person’s conscience to attempt to balance things out for rejecting you. 

This will make them to subconsciously want to seek forgiveness.

aSk (SEEK) Why do we allow other people to cause us to react? 

Listen to what your heart is telling you about what others say to you. 

In the critical moments of your life, remember to remain calm, so that you can sort out the matter in YOUR heart instead of letting your most base emotions take over. 

When we take the time to sort out what’s going on in our insides, this is what I call seeking.

To seek, you have to develop the skill of not only being sensitive to others, but also being sensitive to you. 

Usually we find our way out or through conflict one step at a time. If you make a small request, you should show sincere appreciation to ANY favorable response. 

If they’ve taken your phone call or met you for lunch, show sincere appreciation & recognize EVERY kindness that they give you. 

Be especially grateful for their time.

Time is a commodity that can’t be replaced, and it is extremely valuable. If they are courteous, recognize it, and thank them for it. 

Build the relationship by showing gratitude for every smaller courtesy.

Use your words to change the other person and not describe them. By recognizing positive behavior, you are in effect encouraging in them the positive behavior that you want. 

Remember to avoid speaking negatively about that person to anyone else even to yourself. 

Not only are you building up a positive perception in the other person, but also you are training yourself to think of them in a positive way. 

Be genuine and not manipulative. 

After you have built up the other person by your expressions of gratitude, it is extremely difficult for that other person to contradict how you perceive of them to be. 

Something inside of them will prick them when they step outside the picture that you have painted of them in them. 

Inside they’ll find themselves wanting to do what you ask to avoid contradicting your good perception of them.

When and if you are rejected, always take a few moments to paraphrase back to the other person why they have rejected you, but don't be unkind or over react.

This does not mean that you agree with their behavior, but communicates that you understand them, and why they rejected you. 

This is showing respect. Then, address any issues or concerns that they might have. 

Show gratitude even for their explanation. Remember to listen to your insides while they speak. 

Move forward. 

Back off. 

Try another idea. 

Come back later. 

Your heart will tell you what to do. Billy Hornsby said to try saying this "You might be right". 

You haven't agreed with them, but you've said something that might be true. It might just be.

asK. (KNOCK) The last concept that I’d like to discuss is the word knock. 

Knocking means to allow for the other person to catch up to your way of thinking and that takes TIME. 

I like another word, which is rarely used. The word is “importunity”. 

It means shamelessly to refuse rejection. To have importunity means that rejection no longer bothers you. 

You understand if you have importunity rejection may eventually lead to a friendship if you just have patience. 

It might become painfully aware to the other person (s) that you’re not going away. 

Because you act with such class, their subconscious mind will not allow them to continue to reject you.

ASK (Remember: Ask + Seek + Knock + Time = YES)